So, the third date has gone well and he invites you back to his place. You’re feeling that lovely mixture of nervous/excited/prepping for some intimacy.
You walk in. BAM! The smell of dirty laundry hits you like a baseball bat at the front door. You excuse yourself to the bathroom only to find DIRTY BOXERS on the floor. Unable to catch your breath you escape to his white-walled, college-furniture-filled living room. You also start texting a friend to call and tell you “Aunt Martha” had a stroke and you gotta bail.
This may be extreme, but ever wondered if your home is freaking out potential lovers, too? You may not have underwear all over the place, but there are some serious dating red flags that might have slipped past you. That adorable photo of your cat sitting on the mantle, perhaps?
If you’re on the prowl, here are seven dating red flags to eradicate from your house:
Nothing ruins the mood like trash stank, and you might not be noticing your own brand. Right after you get yourself looking correct for your date, take out the trash and do a quick de-stink of the can if necessary.
Let’s not show off the balanced breakfast you ate this morning, capisce? Dirty dishes are not going to elevate the “let’s watch a movie” phase to the “let’s make-out and fondle” phase we all know and love, so get rid of them!
Even if you have to do a quick clean up when you both get home it shows your cognizant of keeping the place tidy.
At this point, it’s totally acceptable to burn them. If you must, you could go the nicer route of sending a “your crap’s in the alley” to Ex-y McExerton. Either way, when your maybe-lover-to-be sees his jacket going into your closet, he doesn’t want to see anther dude’s coat already there. (Unless you have male roommates…then you’re in the clear on this one.)
Saving too many party favors from summer’s slew of bachelorette parties is not a good idea. Penis straws fall under the “not worth keeping” category, no matter how many fun, Cosmo-soaked memories they rekindle.
Tip: If you want to save one to embarrass a friend at the wedding, save it in the back of your silverware drawer.
If you’re going to do it, do it ironically. If you’re questioning whether Mr. Whiskers wearing a birthday hat falls into that category, don’t risk it. Hide it.
Not even irony will save you here! If you need something to hold onto, buy an extra pillow. Stuffed animals signify deep-rooted issues. What issues? Unfortunately the options are endless and the imaginations of men offer no mercy. If you need to stuff it under your bed until you can officially say goodbye to Herbert the Elephant, we’ll keep your secret safe.
We all have one. Whether it's a mini Taylor Swift shrine, an extreme wedding scrapbooking hobby or a vast collection of Dexter memorabilia, it's best to keep things like this under wraps for a couple weeks. If you know he might be coming to your lair, hide the evidence of your weird habit until you get to know each other a little better.